Burden of expectation

It has been 3 weeks since Mae arrived.

We've had mostly ups and some downs. but, I've been carrying around some pretty big expectations all this time. I've been carrying around the expectation that I'd be back to "normal" around 2 weeks after Mae's birth.

Well, now I'm mad because life hasn't aligned with my made-up idea of what it should be! The universe forgot to comply with my plans! And I'm the angry, red-faced three year old throwing a tantrum.

Here's what is happening. I'm trying to "encourage" (which means force) Mae to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours. Feeding her takes at least an hour. (We have had some breastfeeding complications. She has a "dysfunctional suck".) Then, I either sleep (if Royal or Grandma are home) or I race against the clock to do whatever. Like, make or eat lunch. Make or eat breakfast. Brush my teeth. Try to make Jim or the girls feel loved while I feel like eating them.

Yesterday, I decided this week I was going to get some things done! That was my first mistake, which Royal kindly and politely pointed out. Oh, no! I said. I can get things done without losing my head/temper! I can set limits on my exertion, I said.

Well, This morning, I proved him right. I can't get anything done.

But, you know, I am making up this big story that I should be able to. And that something is wrong here.

But it is just life. I have a big life and a big game to play right now called, "Caring for a darling, demanding newborn while loving and fulfilling three other children." That's my life. And that game just doesn't involve transplanting my overgrown marigold seedlings today. ANd probably not this week! *sigh*.

Announcing Mae Nicole

Born Last Sunday night, 10:46 PM, here is our new daughter. She calms easily, eats well, and is the new joy in our family.

Outfits and hairbows by foxdenproductions.com