Saturday, January 26, 2008

Exposive Derby Experiments

My church Elder's Quorum, filled with mostly 30-something men, is holding a Pine Wood Derby just for us. No holds barred, with the only stated rules being: no destroying other cars, and no pyrotechnics (one Elder complained immediately on both counts; he planned on making a tank). Kits were handed out, and a dozen men left with visions of a spectacular derby win dancing in their heads. There were various ideas on how to power the wooden cars: a CO2 cartridge, a mousetrap, elastic bands, model rocket engines (someone missed the "no pyrotechnics" rule). I had another thought--A GIANT ELECTROMAGNET!

See, if you make an electromagnet and attract something like a steel bolt, that bolt actually becomes a small magnet itself. If you then reverse polarity on your electromagnet, the bolt's magnetic field will also reverse. If you do the reversing fast enough, however, there isn't time for the bolt's magnetic field to reverse, and the two magnets repel each other. If you have a very powerful and somewhat dangerous electromagnet, the bolt becomes flying shrapnel.

You can make an electromagnet powerful enough to hold up 250lbs using some wire and four AA batteries. But that's not powerful enough to propel a Pinewood Derby Car to first place! No, you need something with a bit more power. Like a 12volt, 125amp Cold cranking car battery.

Car batteries are different from AA batteries in that they can kill you in many ways. It takes a single amp across your heart to stop it, cold. Most car batteries have at least 100 amps, and many deaths occur from people accidentally completing a circuit with their body. Also, if you accidentally short out the two terminals of a car battery by dropping a wrench across them, for example, not only will the wrench weld itself to the battery, but the battery will heat up rapidly. If the wrench is not removed quickly both the wrench and battery could explode, showering the vicinity with caustic sulfuric acid and molten metal.

This is dangerous, kiddies. DO NOT try this at home. I didn't. I tried it at work. My workplace is good for such experiments because it has other trained technicians, expensive and useful computers and test equipment, and a great sprinkler system. So I haul my supplies there.

My highly skilled coworker, Frank, eagerly helps me hook up the circuit. I've got jumper cables, standard 3-way light switches, a small bit of house wire, and a giant battery. What could go wrong? I put on gloves and safety goggles and think twice.

"Hey, Frank, do you think the light switch might melt?" Frank assured me it wouldn't: "Nah."

Sparks flew as I warily hooked up the last jumper cable clamp, ready for anything.

Nothing happened.

Then the house wire crackled loudly and expelled a huge puff of smoke. I leaped backwards in self defense. Frank started yelling "Shut it off! Shut it OFF!" like a manic two-year-old. And then I realized something. The battery was shorting out. I quickly gathered my courage and extended my 3 foot long arm about 3 and a half feet and turned off the light switch. Frank frantically hacked through the housewire with a packing tape dispenser.

Only then did we comprehend the smoke was rising towards sprinkler system. That would not be good for all the expensive electronic equipment in the room. We were two Keystone Kops looking for a vacuum. I stood on the workbench, my head an inch from the ceiling and blew at the smoke cloud. Frank finally found the vacuum (and power cord) and I started roaming the room, sucking in smoke as fast as possible.

You'll be glad to know the sprinklers never went off. We were glad, anyway. We did a quick look around like naughty 10-year-olds and found, to our relief, no one in building had seen our exploits. Then we did what any clear-headed men would do in such a situation. We hid the evidence and ran away. Well, walked away, on a "break."



Later that day I cut open the light switch with a dremel, which stunk a little as it melted the plastic cover. It didn't stink nearly as bad as the leftovers from "the experiment", though. When I finally opened the switch, I saw that it had indeed melted, acting exactly like a fuse. I hadn't actually done anything when I had so bravely shut it off.


My boss came in the room right then and asked what that terrible burnt smell was. I pointed to the dremel and the light switch and he nodded knowingly, "Oh, I thought it was a short circuit."

Frank and I looked at each other for a moment, and laughed our heads off. I'm buying bigger switches next week. Frank swears he won't help me anymore. That's fine. All the Pine Wood Derby glory shall be mine.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Hello, my name is Elizabeth, and I'm a perfectionist...

Well, Royal and I are taking this "Wellness Class" from a therapist in our stake (geographical area composed of a dozen or more Church congregations).

And, I was just reading my homework in the class notebook. I thought this was interesting:

We are like a person standing on a see-saw. (imagine this.)

Unless we stand in the very center, the see saw tips and we go down. The center represents moderation in all things, and the path of constant repentance and following Christ.

Going down one side represents perfectionism.
Going down the other side represents Outward rebellion, or sinfulness.

So, then there is this chart describing characteristics of the 3 possible paths:

Perfectionism
Following Christ
Outward Rebellion


And guess what? Perfectionism has a whole lot in common with rebellion!






But, at any rate it is interesting to me how I, being a perfectionist, married a perfectionist.

PS: Here's our latest family portrait. Look closely for several "hidden" stories.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Where have all the blog posts gone?

Greetings, Friends!

Time has been passing us like a whirlwind for a few weeks. To summarize:

Each of us has been sick 2-4 times in the past 4 weeks with a total of at least 5 different illnesses.

Fun times, right?

Our first hen died. It was really shocking actually. One night, Royal went into the coop to change the water and shut them all in, and found her lying dead on the floor. No injuries. The next day, I did find a mess in the nesting box which means she was probably sick and hanging out in there all day before she died. I am definitely concerned that whatever she had may have infected our other hens. But, I don't see what I can do except watch and wait.

Royal buried her in the yard near where a dead tree just collapsed (lots of loose, not frozen ground there.) I told Grace about it, and she would like to put a small marker on the grave for a little while. We'll probably do that sometime this week.

A large tree in our back yard fell down in the middle of the night last week. Our landlord knew the huge thing was dead, and had been dead for a looong time, but we didn't know. It was pretty unsettling. Lucky for him and us, he owns a bull dozer and had no problem turning that rotted tree into fuel for his wood stove at home.

Royal turned 30! Yea! He is getting handsomer, believe it or not. I tell him I like how he looks with a little age on him. We got him an Xbox and a movie he wanted.

Royal and I are taking a Wellness class together offered by the church. Its once/week for 12 weeks. So far, its been really good for helping me see things in a different perspective. Basically, the class is a certified therapist teaching you how to have balance and feel the love of God in your life.

Well, its time for me to go now. We've started having family scriptures before breakfast instead of right after. Now, we NEVER miss scriptures. (except when we wake up on Sunday morning already late for church. Man, I hate that!) Its working great.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Chores List

Okay, I'm going through a little learning curve right now. Without the boring details, it boils down to me feeling like I do everything at home, and that is probably a result of me trying to be in charge of everything here at home.

So, I say to my handsomer half, "Hun, do you think we could officially designate some household jobs, so I know what I actually need to do and what you'll be planning on doing? Because, Honey, I feel like I'm doing everything."

Now, I want EVERYONE of YOU to send me details on how you've managed this aspect of your healthy, vibrant marriages. How do you "share" the household work between the homemaker and the breadwinner? (royal.spamcan@gmail.com, and he forwards it to me.)

Here's what we've got so far, which list was intended as the minimum jobs possible to run our house on:

Chicken duty AM: Royal
Chicken duty PM: Elizabeth
Menu planning and Grocery list prep: Elizabeth
Grocery shopping: Royal
Bills: R and E
Dishes: R start a load at night, E empty in morning
Trash: E
Dinner prep: R
Dinner cook: E
Breakfast: R
Lunch: E
Laundry: R wash and E dry, R fold, E put away
Personal scriptures and prayers: R and E

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The Christmas Spirit

I think I've found the secret to feeling the Christmas Spirit.

So, my devoted audience (I love flattering myself....),

Try this one out, and let me know if it isn't true every time...

1. Find someone much worse off than yourself- lonely, or poor, or both- children are best. For instance, orphans, etc.

2. Spend lots of time thinking of how you could bring cheer into his life.

3. Spend some time giving to him. You can give time, attention, entertainment (sing to him, play an instrument, etc.), gifts, foodstuffs, etc. This is very fun in person, but if you are giving material objects, a secret santa approach is also very rewarding.

4. Drink some holiday beverage; eggnog, hot cider, wassail (stephen's gourmet defines good wassail), hot chocolate.

Now, can anyone use this formula without feeling the Love of Christmas?

The 20th of December

Its the 20th of December,
and all through the house,
a few creatures are stirring
including the computer mouse.

Our stockings are hung on the wall behind the tree,
And my girls know I'll fill them with candy and things.

We believe in Saint Nick, who lived long ago,
But I don't feel the need to teach the magical guy at the south pole.

Grace let me know, though, a few weeks ago,
"Mom, I DO believe in Santa Claus."

And I smiled and said, "Dear,
That's great. A lot of people do."

When friendly store clerks ask her,
"Who's coming to see you soon?"

I quickly interrupt with,
"Grandma Gail!"

Friday, December 14, 2007

For the Mormons: A forum question

For those of you who are Mormons,

Please mention here (comments) how you are going about getting your 3-month supply as mentioned in the new Church Pamphlet, "All is safely gathered in" (Is that the title?)

Are you doing it all at once? What about fresh ingredients, lettuce, etc.? How are you rotating?

Please include any tips and all details.

We are officially out of debt!

We finally paid off our last student loan!

Thank you for all your support, prayers, and in some cases financial assistance!

We are DEBT FREE!

The Amazing Shrinking...

Radio trivia:

What is the only part of a woman's body that shrinks during pregnancy?

A: Her brain.

Madagascar the Animated Movie

In case you haven't seen it, Madagascar is a great movie. You'll laugh more when you watch it a second or third time. Its a fun evening. I am officially adding it to my Christmas wish list!

Disclaimers:
1. There are several disturbing euphemisms, example: "Hoover Dam!"
2. There is one questionable song, "I like to Move it, Move it", in which the Lemurs dance. The version in the movie is edited nicely. The version in the credits after the movie isn't edited.
3. Those are all I can remember, but I'm sure there are more... I just love this movie.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Tag You're it!

I've been tagged (thanks Emily!)

So, here goes:

6 things people might not know about me:

1. If I were not Mormon, I would be Amish. I aspire to someday be able to provide for my family using Mother nature plus the help of family and friends. SOMEDAY I don't want to have to rely on Walmart.

2. One of my life goals is to found a high school that teaches teenagers real world skills. "Practicality High." Not exactly technical school, although it will have that aspect, but I am talking about emotional health, moral strength, financial responsibility (you have to have and use money to learn it), and family-management (I'm talking about old-fashioned home-ec.). Plus, we'll teach some money-making skills with local professionals teaching and getting free labor off the kids. (Landscaping, auto-mechanics, and Aquatic instruction all come to mind.)

3. My biggest parenting weakness is inappropriate anger and strictness. (Poor Grace!)

4. My biggest struggle in marriage/homekeeping looks like Me struggling to buy groceries, make dinner on a fairly regular basis, and not detesting every part of the process. (Poor Royal!)

5. I plan to retire very early. I don't intend to stop working at all. But, I'd like to have the freedom to choose my work! I'm willing to be a serious tightwad to make this possible. I think I'd like to farm for awhile. (20 years or so). I follow the bio-intensive method of gardening, found in the book How to grow more vegetables by John Jeavons. Or, Square-foot gardening. They are very similar. I am determined I could retire on $500,000.

6. I am accomplished in Sign Language, but have no credentials. Plus, its been awhile since conversing with any Deaf folks. But, our Amish friends down the road do have a Deaf teenage son! (Might get some practice in there.)

Tag you're it! Heather, Heidi and Brent!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"Not a very poetic title"... or "Elizabeth vents"

An Ode to Growing Fat while Pregnant

O Girth of mine,
Thou art a spring of life.
Life from another place
stretching forth my boundaries.

Softening all the edges
Of my body.
Really, I'm looking rather
Bloblike.

Which is why my current picture
won't be appearing here
with as much frequency
as it might otherwise be.

My Vanity is exceedingly great
to the overcoming of my sensibility.
So that even while I understand
the beauty, the process, and the necessity for it,
I am prone to cringe about my increasing girth.

Our First Jack-O-Lantern

"First you take a pumpkin,
Big and Round and Fat
Then you cut the top off;
that makes a hat.

Then you cut a hole
For the nose, the mouth, the eyes...
Making for the children a Halloween surprise.

Lemonade, anyone?


Grace held her first Lemonade Stand on Oct 20th.


She made around $12.


She gave 10% to the church, %45 to the family debt, and spent the rest on herself.